Ayla's Living Crossbow of Pain...

[dwarf]

figured i should throw this out, since it MIGHT get used on a mouthy gate guard tonight

Ayla’s Living Crossbow of Pain (LCoP)

Crafted from the fevered dreams of the Forsaken One, this corrupting magic-dead crossbow is both semi-sentient, fully insane, and something in between construct, living and undead. The self-growing barbed bone projectiles are fueled by inserting bones from any once-living creature, or if necessary, the wielder himself. Nobody REALLY knows all of the functions of this deadmagic weapon, but what HAS been so far discovered is listed below :

• Its effective ranged attack bonus is equal to one-quarter of the wielders XP level, as is its rate of fire.

• The weapon GRAFTS ITSELF to the wielder, refusing to be put down as if functionally magnetized to him. Meaning you can free your hands only by sticking it to a different body part. Whatever body part its currently attached to can be animated BY the crossbow, if it so desires - and its limited mobility allows it to slowly move about that appendage.

• Its projectiles eagerly bore into flesh, ignoring any DR or “required to hit” enchantment.

Sometimes the weapon temporarily steals effects from the bones fed to it (ie feeding it green dragon bones causes it to grow d8 poisonous projectiles, rust monster bones/antennae produce d8 rusting projectiles, medusa bones produce d8 petrifying projectiles, etc). This occurs based on the HD of the creature’s bits fed to it (10% per HD of source material)

Additionally, depending on what part of the targets body is pierced by the projectile often determines certain effects :

• Head - typically occurring during crits, this is the worst possible place to get struck for most creatures. upon entering the skull, the projectile reacts to its highly energized environment and DUMPS its entire load of mutagenic toxin to flood the bloodstream. within d4 rounds, the target BECOMES an entirely different creature.

• Chest - the projectile burrows in and subsumes the closest rib, devouring 2 HP worth of minerals and biological material each day as it spreads to take over nearby ribs. Once the entire ribcage is replaced, it begins converting internal organs and slowly transforms the host into some other creature of slightly higher HD (original HD+4). Rarely (5%) it will instead explosively spawn a MUCH larger creature from the host body.

• Back - a strike here sees the projectile burrow into the spine, paralyzing the victim for d4 rounds as it moves into its new home. Roughly one day per HD (of the target) later, it completes its spinal override and TAKES OVER the target - rewiring it to obey the alchemical directives for acquiring new reagents (making it, effectively, a serial killer).

• Arm - penetrations here cause the projectile to override the hosts control of the appendage as it converts and subsumes the arm bones. Each round the limb acts as tho under the effect of Ayla’s Confused Appendage spell, tho no magic effect is present. Roll a d10 to determine its action each round :
  1 - Hang uselessly at the side
  2-3 - Perform some mildly irritating action on host body (scratching its head or ass, picking its nose, untying a shoe or coin purse, picking up and dropping/throwing nearby objects)
  4-6 - Caress or fondle nearest creature in melee range, or host if none available (such comedy gold
  7-9 - Attack nearest creature in melee range, or host if none available
  10 - Act normally (under hosts control)

• Leg - LCoP projectiles have a fondness for burrowing into and consuming/replacing the large leg bones, spawning painful blood crystals that embed themself throughout the body of the host and eventually work their way out (causing d8 subdual damage daily, and making the host seep blood from every orifice)

• Tail - projectiles DO NOT like being embedded into redundant appendages - so d4 rounds after burrowing into such a limb, sees it animate and begin retracting said limb into the closest convenient orifice to the appendage. screams of horror are often heard, outside of elven lands anyhow.

Projectiles which miss their target and find no flesh to burrow into DIE after a turn or so, slowly breaking down into a mutagenic toxin that remains active for one day per level of the wielder.
The projectiles may ONLY be removed on the same round they enter, as moments later they’re already burrowing into their target.