dreams of the apocalypse...
been having interesting apocalyptic dreams of late…
last weekend, i dreamt that the half-g left work at SAFB one friday at 0930 hours and drove to my brothers office - storming in and announcing “I got a thousand dollars in my wallet, so you ‘n me need to go hit the St. Charles temple and drink beer. Don’t gimme no shit, i’m callin’ in a favor - lets roll, we need to talk.”
so with much arm twisting (as you might imagine) we rolled over to the closest temple and ordered up a bucket of brewskis and he immediately ordered two 50-wing batches of hiroshima wings (which is out of character for the g - we like to wet our whistles first).
after power-chugging 2 beers (rendering me even more astonished) he unleashed a mighty belch and looked at the clock on the wall, which read 11am. “Old dwarf, the fuckwits in charge have decided, against all wisdom, to go all in for a nuclear first strike - trying to take out both Russia and China before they can sneak-attack us. 1600 hours is go time, 5 hours from now - and intel suggests that by 1630 hours the russian sub-launched counterstrike will have our coastal cities reduced to parking lots… and 10-20 minutes later, the heartland cities will follow.”
taking a big sigh, he added “So i first called my wife, after leaving base - and she’s opted to take the kids and her mom to church, to pray for deliverance. Sounded like the worst possible way to spend my last hours on this earth, so i made an executive decision and gambled you’d rather march on the gates of heaven with a bucket of beer in one hand, and a bucket of hiroshima wings in the other. Was i right, or do you wanna kick my ass ?”
and the dream dwarf grinned, tapped the empty bucket full of ice and replied “We’re definitely gonna need more beer !”
so thats what we did - i chugged beer while calling and saying cleverly worded goodbyes to a select few friends and family, and we rode out the clock until the TV’s froze up with EBS warnings, the tornado sirens blew out and the showme’s staff all foolishly tried to make us leave before fleeing to their homes. when the afternoon sky outside became brighter than any morning ever, we were six sheets to the wind with no worries about Hiroshima’s Revenge the next morning it was a good day to die…
last night, i dreamt i was outside in my front yard when one detonated rather too close for comfort. ducking down and shielding your eyes doesn’t work so well when its bright enough to show thru your eyelids and even your arm, so i spun to put my back facing the nuclear lightbulb - and found out the hard way i was in the thermal flashpoint radius of the detonation.
having white skin is somewhat of a boon, when dealing with thermal flash - as white reflects light. sadly, unless you’re bedecked in white clothing too - that pretty much absorbs it and melts into your skin and you become a person-sized matchhead
and it probably goes without saying, but trying to roll out the flames when all the grass and ground everywhere is ALSO on fire doesn’t really work so well. no lie.
luckily ? for me, even with my nerves screaming - i still had enough presence of mind to throw my ass down the embankment and into the ditch. abruptly boiling ditchwater isn’t exactly sterile or fun to splash around in, but it will still extinguish flames
just mind you get your ass back upright, pain and all, before the burning blacktop roadway melts and runs… into the ditch. again, ever so thankful that my backbrain had enough people in it to suss that one out before learning the hard way !
dream ended with me and a whole bunch of other toasted marshmallows hiding out in a concrete block building - seeing if we would heal before the rads cooked us alive. not nearly as much fun as last weeks dream
last nights apocalypse dream was a new concept to me - something happened to the Earth that reduced its atmospheric oxygen levels to 12-15%, so most of humanity had simply asphyxiated…
unlike the oxygen-sensitive me on THIS earth, that other me had some genetic mutation that left him largely immune to the changed air quality. what was TRULY odd, however, was ole’ Smougster actually somehow emitted WAYYY more oxygen than even plants - creating a zone of breatheable air around himself some 15-20’ away.
the sweet side effect of this was the greenie could fire up and drive vehicles that would chug or die for anyone else - so the pair of us went driving around the ruins of 'murica in a big ole military 2.5 ton, scavving and doing deals with the isolated pockets of survivors here and there
it was a pretty cool dream !
@dwarf I have always done better in thin air like the mountains then I do down in the low lands , I’m a shallow water fish not a deep sea fish